It is time to get REAL friends and I am not holding back regarding my feelings about the cleanse that I completed over a week and a half ago...I needed time to recover. I needed time to think about how I was going to express my feelings and concerns. I needed time to just put it all together and make sure I was giving you the best version of me. When I first wrote about the cleanse and "Slowing Down and Practicing Self-Care" I felt confident, positive, and ready, but things kind of turned quickly, and it wasn't pretty. To be honest...the last half of the cleanse was horrible. I could have quit, but I am not one to give up. I sucked it up and pushed through.
The PROS... (there are not many)
- It forced me to slow down physically. I was only practicing yoga and walking with Lucy. I even took a Restorative Yoga class, which shockingly I have never done and it felt AMAZING! Grateful for the yoga community at Dharma Yoga Nantucket and the comforting and peaceful practices I had that week.
- I kept very very hydrated!
- I was reminded how much I LOVE food and need it to do the things that I LOVE!
- I learned a lot about myself...the good and the bad.
- I felt depleted and exhausted...By the end of the week I was cranky, tired, and felt like I was moving in slow motion. Everything felt like a burden to tackle and when I couldn't practice yoga one morning, I was officially over it. I love to be active and move my body and I was done feeling like this. I wanted my energy back. I wanted to feel strong!
- I started to have anxiety...The last couple of nights were restless and I was not sleeping, because of the lack of food. I would wake up in the middle of the night and feel panicked. My heart would be racing, I would toss and turn, and my mind was going a mile per minute.
- I started to get WAY too thin FAST...The last day of the cleanse, I got out of the shower and when I looked in the mirror I was saddened. I looked frail and weak. I had lost weight and I was too thin. I had not really noticed it all during the week because I was always so bundled up with sweatshirts and yoga pants, because I was cold, but also because the weather was miserable. I noticed when I looked in the mirror that morning I was not smiling. I did not have that healthy, strong, beautiful glow. I was just BLAH!
- It brought up some old "food demons"...When you are eating the same meal 3 times a day for a whole week, eventually you start thinking about food and I was thinking about it a lot. And I was starting to panic about how I was going to go back to eating "normal". The cleanse tells you to ease back into eating, so that you do not shock your system. I was overthinking if I could have carbs right away...when could I have coffee...wine...ARGH it was too much thinking being wasted on FOOD and EATING! Food is fun and I love it, but when you have had "food demons" in the past you start making up rules again as to what you can and cannot eat and that is NOT healthy.
- I missed not being able to be social and to go out with friends...It is hard to socialize when you have no energy and you are eating the same meal every day. I was itching to go out and eat good food with my friends and enjoy a delicious glass of wine.
I am beyond happy that this cleanse is OVER! I did not like the way I felt at the end and even a few days after. I did not like the way I looked and how I was obsessing over food. I do not like how it actually left me angry. So as the above quote asks, I can honestly say I do not think that this cleanse served me. I live a very healthy and active life and making the choice to do this cleanse was not necessary.
Yes, this aftermath is not a positive one, but you live and learn through experience and I learned. I learned that I will probably not be doing this again. I learned that I love my coffee and my nut butter and I do not like being told what I can and cannot eat. I learned that I like my energy that allows me to move my body and be successful at my job.
We are all different and we all have different needs and goals in our lives. I know that my friends will be doing this again in the Fall, but I will be sitting that one out. And I am okay with that, because what serves them is totally different as to what serves me...And that is what makes the world go round...I think I just pulled a "Corny Cotter" line...
"Forgive yourself if you've done something wrong.
Forgive yourself even if you haven't done something wrong.
Then see how good forgiveness feels. Forgive yourself and be free" - Melody Beattie