Holding MYSELF Accountable
I was hesitant about putting this post together, because it is the real shit and me putting myself out there again about my health journey. But as I have said in the past, writing and sharing about it helps me heal and hopefully is helping so many others heal too. This space is a safe space. It is a place where there is no judgement. It is a place where we can just talk, write, inspire, and support each other, because no one is alone on this journey...PLEASE remember that...I cannot tell you how grateful I am to have people near and far always by my side, always listening, and always there to help me. I feel so much LOVE and it keeps me going to keep HEALING and believing that I can do this work!
This journey is so NOT linear and this is still hard for me to accept. There is NO straight path to this healing journey and I realized earlier this week it is time AGAIN to get serious about my healing. It was time to hold myself ACCOUNTABLE and to reach out for help again and to start doing the real hard nitty gritty WORK.
Have I made a lot of progress since March?
ABSOLUTELY!
Have I gone back to my old ways?
NO...But I have noticed some old habits trying to sneak back into my mind. I have noticed some issues with my training, and I knew I needed to start making changes ASAP, because I do NOT like living or feeling like this, nor do I want to injure myself. I have noticed that I am hungry AF. I know the cues and it was just time and I was READY.
What were those CUES?
AHHH...This is where it gets real. I am not going to hold back, but rather just put it out there into the universe and then move on, do the work, and give myself GRACE for sharing this and realizing that it is never too late to heal and be the best version of ME.
BINGEING
I have noticed that over the past couple of weeks, that I am training hard and eating well during the week (but not eating enough), so then come the weekends, it has just been a shit show. I am ravenous and will eat everything in sight. And when I add in the wine...well we know how that can go. There were nights I would come home and eat and eat and just eat whatever was in sight.
I haven’t had bingeing episodes in a really really long time, but the past couple of weekends were a BIG wake up call for me. So after this past weekend, I just took a step back, reflected, and realized I need to make a healthy change so it doesn’t happen again. No GUILT. No JUDGEMENT.
What are some signs of WHY binge eating happens?
Under eating;
Overexercising;
Lacking a specific nutrient;
Sleep Deprived;
Soothing emotional needs!
What can I do?
No judgement;
Reflect on the experience;
Wake up, eat a balanced meal...Hydrate...Take my vitamins...Do some healthy movement;
Lean on my people!
OVER EXERCISING
I have been training hard and a LOT! Again, this week I realized that I am tired...my body is tired...I am not seeing any changes...I was starting to get some aches and pains...My body is giving me the cues that something needs to change, I need to slow down, I need to cut back, I need to give my body rest!
It is really easy for me to ignore these signs and just PUSH and GO! It is in my nature to go hard with workouts. I LOVE it and it fills me up in so many ways, but right now it is wearing me down and I do not want to get injured.
How do I know that I am overexercising?
Well, for one, the combo of not eating enough and training hard is causing me to be ravenous.
It has been messing with my sleep, causing me to wake up early again and get up frequently during the middle of the night to pee.
It’s taking a long time for muscles to recover and I constantly feel tense and sore.
I feel swollen.
And I KNOW that this kind of training is messing with my hormones, cortisol levels, and putting my body in starvation mode. That’s a LOT right?!?!
How do I handle this?
I will work with my Coach on this and set up a PLAN;
I will take more rest days;
I will slow down and really focus on movement that brings me JOY, but also keeps me strong and healthy!
NEGATIVE BODY IMAGE THOUGHTS
We as women are so HARD on ourselves and the mind is VERY powerful when it comes to body image. Look at what is thrown at us daily on TV, social media, commercials...No one looks real anymore, there are so many damn filters, there are so many pills, diets, surgeries, and ways to make us look a certain way. It is A LOT!
Lately, I just haven’t been happy with what I see in the mirror and it breaks my heart. I can’t fit into my shorts anymore...My boobs have grown a lot and they just make me feel uncomfortable...My non-workout clothes just feel different. I take pictures of myself when I am not in yoga clothes and I just feel BLAH! I KNOW that what I see is very different from what other people see...I know that over exercising and not eating enough are causing me to feel swollen and my body is in starvation mode. This kind of stuff and emotions are heavy shit and I am so TIRED of feeling this way. It is an energy vampire that is taking up too much of my time. I want my POWER BACK!
I know what I need to do and I will do it. What works for me personally when this happens is I will again work with my Coach. I cut back on the scrolling and the bad TV. I continue to surround myself with badass women who inspire me daily. More social dates and MORE time just living life outside, soaking up the Vitamin D and the salty air. It is all about going “BACK TO THE BASICS”. And more self-love and more self-care!
I know this post is heavy and it is A LOT and it is A LOT for me to open up about, but this is all part of the journey. The past couple of weeks have just really opened my eyes that there is still work to be done and that is OKAY. I feel like I am thriving in so many other areas of my life right now and I want to thrive and succeed in this part of my life too.
Time to buckle up and just DO THE WORK! It is not going to be easy, but I’m ready! Let’s GO!
xoxo
