It's Time To PIVOT
Life is SCARY…
Life is UNPREDICTABLE…
Life is SHORT…
Life is also BEAUTIFUL…
Life is MAGICAL…
Life is MYSTERIOUS…
LIFE IS WHAT YOU MAKE OF IT
The past two months have been a challenge or more how I truly feel...a total MIND FUCK! I have been tested emotionally, mentally, and even physically. It has been a whirlwind of waiting, trying to be patient, positive, and preparing for whatever is next. I cried...screamed...laughed to the point of snorting...and just sat in silence. Life is testing me, but it is also teaching me.
I discovered a large mass on my upper right thigh. It had been there for a few months, but I ignored it, because I wasn’t in pain. I figured it was a muscle, since it’s my dominant leg and it developed from all the spinning and running that I do. But one day, I realized that I wanted answers, because this just didn’t seem normal and it wasn’t going away, so I asked Jennifer one day while at yoga. She felt around and looked at me and told me I needed to get it checked out. Panic struck as I don’t go to the doctors for abnormal things, I just go for my annuals, so I started to worry, because I worry.
Within two weeks, I had gone to my PC doctor...I got an ultrasound...I got an MRI...I saw the Surgical Oncologist and had a biopsy...then I waited!
Cancer runs in our family, so I was worried! It could just be a large mass that they go in and scoop out or it could be a sarcoma, which could be cancerous and they would just have to do a more aggressive surgery and then monitor me for a while, to make sure nothing spreads. I got my results on my Dad’s birthday! The universe truly works in magical ways and I know that he has been looking over me the entire time. The mass was benign. I was given permission to go to Mexico, but as soon as I got back we scheduled to take it out.
There were so many big words, questions, things that were so over my head, “WHAT IFS”. I was completely overwhelmed. It was a lot to absorb.
My doctor, the nurses, the staff at Roper St. Francis were AMAZING! They patiently answered all my 100’s of questions. They helped me feel at ease. I knew right away that this was going to be OKAY and no matter what I would get through this! And the day of the surgery…they were ALL so great! I can not say enough wonderful things about this experience.
During this time, I had a lot of time to think, and with all that “thinking”…
ALL THE THINGS came UP! I realized that there were a lot of negativity, judgment, and insecurities consuming my mind and it wasn’t healthy. It wasn’t ME.
Negativity is TOXIC...Stress is TOXIC...And no matter what happens over these next couple of months or even this year, I can no longer live in FEAR and NEGATIVITY, because it will destroy me, my spirit, my relationships, and my life. YES, I allowed myself to go down a dark hole, but I recognized it and when I went to bed that night I knew it was time to PIVOT!
I have a choice...We ALL have a choice!
I can speak my truth and inspire others and write and share my journey.
I can take better care of myself and live a happier fuller life.
OR...
I can be miserable and go down that dark road.
The choice is mine right now and I feel that and I know that and that choice is staring right in front of me. The choice is mine as to how I want to move forward. I have to make changes. I WANT to do this no matter what happens.
And to be 100% transparent, I have been here before, where the universe has given me this choice, but I ignored it and kept trying to do the things that I thought were right, but they really weren’t. This has to deal with food, fitness, and even my relationships. I believe that there are only a few times that you are given a chance to make a change and I don’t want to let this one slip by.
So here I am ready to pivot and make some BIG changes and I also have already started making changes...This is going to be a different journey. I feel this journey is about patience, healing, speaking my truth, and inspiring others in a whole different way. There will be food, there will be fitness, there will be love, there will also be highs and lows, there is no holding back.
One of the first things I have been working on is body positivity. I am not sure what is going to happen with my body as I go down this road of recovery, but each day, especially during my walks over the past few weeks, I have been having talks with my body. I am letting her know it is going to be okay. We will be okay. It is going to be a test, but it will be okay.
As always, I am grateful for this life, this journey, and this space.
Life isn’t always perfect. Life is always changing. Sometimes there are storms and sometimes there is sunshine. It is all about how we handle the storms, how we accept the changes, learn from the changes, grow from the changes, and more importantly move forward with them!
Here’s to growth, healing, and PIVOTING!
xoxo
