REAL...RAW...THIS IS ME
I want to be 100% real with y’all...Ever since I got back from the yoga retreat in Tulum, Mexico, I just have not been myself. The past month was sticky and challenging and I felt like the universe was testing me on ALL levels. I felt exhausted, sad, and uninspired. I felt like I was just going through the motions day in and day out. I wasn’t present for myself, for Shannon, and even Lucy. My love tank was empty and I needed to refill it. As I was scrolling through my Instagram account last Tuesday evening, before dinner, I made the decision that it was time to do some DIGITAL DETOX. The posting, the scrolling, liking, and trying to be on 100% was not serving me anymore and it all seemed FORCED. It was also taking up a LOT of my time. So...it was time for a quick break and to press the restart button and take some time for me, so I could find my purpose and inspiration. Owning up to your own shit is hard. Sharing this with all of you is freaking hard, but I am an open book and my journey and my ups and downs are all part of the process. Plus, as soon as you write it and say it, it just becomes that more REAL.
Recently my posts on social media have been emotional and honest and I also realized that while I was posting these photos and quotes, that my messages were raising some eyebrows. As I started to look deeper into them, I started to wonder “what the hell is going on?” I was being real and raw and I and started asking myself “Am I happy right now?” That was also a sign that I needed to remove myself from those spaces. I don’t need to be Positive Patty 24/7, because that’s definitely not real, but I also want to make sure that I am happy and inspiring, because that is truly ME and what these spaces are supposed to be about.
It was time to practice SELF-LOVE. Lately, I haven’t been in love with myself. I haven’t felt secure in my own skin. It is so hard to say these things out loud, but it happens. I was aware that something needed to change. I wanted to feel that LOVE for myself. How did I handle this?
I disconnected from the Instagram…As much as I love this platform, it is frustrating AF sometimes and I let it get the best of me. Why am I not getting enough likes or followers? What am I doing wrong? I started the comparing game and that obviously gets you nowhere FAST. So since last Tuesday night, I stopped scrolling, liking, posting, and engaging. Immediately I felt a sense of relief. Social Media is my job, so I put a lot of pressure on myself to be successful at what I do. Moving forward though, I’m going to stop putting the pressure on myself and just do ME. I am going to work on doing what works for me. Post when I want to post. Engage when I want to engage. To just let it be what it is supposed to be.
I treated myself to things that I knew would make me happy…Self-Care friends...I am all about that self-care, because it freaking works! A must needed hair appointment. It’s amazing what covering up those dark roots can do for your self-esteem. Some retail therapy. A manicure and pedicure, because isn’t it amazing how bright and pretty nails and toes are an instant ego boost. And of course, there is always yoga. I left so much sweat and emotion on my mat this past week and I left it ALL there.
I leaned on loved ones…and I leaned HARD! A big ass high-five to all my friends near and far, who let me vent and text and talk and just were there for me. In the past, I used to keep all this shit in, but not anymore. Life is too short to keep all that bad stuff in. Don’t be afraid to express yourself...EVER! Your friends and family are there for you and they are there to listen, to guide, to support, and most importantly LOVE YOU!
I got out of my own damn way and did the WORK...I woke up last week and literally felt ENERGIZED, INSPIRED, and DETERMINED, and I knew that I WAS BACK! I knew that I had to get out of my own damn way. I had a choice. I made the choice to be the best version of me. It is going to take some time. It is going to take work. It is going to take a lot of self-love, but it is OKAY. I’m OKAY. I will be OKAY. I am so grateful for this life. And I am ready to do this and do what works for me and to kick some freaking ASS!
Life is a journey. And this is my journey. I have always said from the beginning with mine here in Charleston that I would be real through the pretty and messy times. It’s sometimes hard to put this all out there, but I love that I can and just be ME. You can like it or hate it, but that is your choice. This is ME just being ME. What happens next is going to be awesome and I can promise you that!
