The FINAL Chapter
It seems appropriate that I am writing and sharing this while I am on Nantucket. Some things just align and feel right when done in a place that brings you joy, peace, and healing powers. So let’s just dive right into this, because I’m ready now more than ever…
Inhale…EXHALE…Let GO…Trust this process…Trust this journey…Lean on your tribe…Believe in yourself…Believe that you can do really hard things…Remember and know your worth…Remember that you are always inspiring others!!! Let this be the final and BEST chapter!
Here I am again friends to open up and get really REAL about my continuing journey with my eating disorder. It is hard to talk about this and share it with the world, because I am allowing myself to be very vulnerable and open to judgment and criticism. Eating disorders are REAL and it is a bigger problem in today’s society than people want to talk about. And for the first time, I am going to dive deep into it and really talk about the ups and downs, because the time is now. I feel stronger than ever. I feel more confident than ever. I feel like there has been a massive shift in my perspective with life, my health, my workouts, because I have been so damn honest with myself. I knew there was a problem and no one could make the change except for me.
For the past month, I have been working hard on ALL THE THINGS and in return the narrative has changed. The WORK WORKS you just have to be willing to do it, stay consistent, own your shit, give yourself GRACE, lean on your people, love yourself, and most importantly believe in yourself. I knew I did not want to live like this anymore, because it was taking a toll on my relationships, my body, my mental health, and I was becoming angry and sad. This was NOT the Katie I used to be and it is time to bring her back!
My health journey is not perfect and it is far from a perfect straight line to success. YES I am doing much better than I had when I started over a year ago, but I still have slip ups. I have bad days, I overtrain, and I have times when I under eat. But I also have WAY more GOOD days, when I am able to listen to my body, I am able to eat out more often, I have become more open and honest with myself and my relationships. I am HAPPIER! And overall this time around is different and better!
What was DIFFERENT this time?
Almost one month ago when I reached out to my Health Coach with a long heartfelt email about what had been happening with food and my fitness, I reread it a couple of times and almost started crying. It made me sad, the thoughts that were going through my head, how I felt about my body, how much I was thinking about food…it was heartbreaking. I realized that at that moment I was NOT healed and that old patterns and old thoughts were creeping fast and furious into my life. I needed help and I wanted help.
I wasn’t ashamed about asking for help. I knew that I wanted this to be the final chapter to truly heal myself and to give 1000% of my energy to doing the work. I was not going to quit like I had in the past. I was going to stick to it no matter how uncomfortable, frustrated, or scared I was. My Coach and I had a lot of talks before we started to dig deep into what this chapter was going to look like. We got to a point where we made sure we were on the same page with our goals, how I was going to be held accountable, weekly check-ins, texts, talks, we laid it all out there. It was a solid and strong plan. I felt good about it. She felt good about it. We dove right into it and we have been sticking to it and doing the hard dirty work to make me work and make me stronger, healthier, and happier.
Right now and a few weeks ago, this time is DIFFERENT, because I am in such a better place. It’s hard to describe how this shift happened, or what exactly happened, or if the universe, my Dad are just rooting for me and pushing me along, but whatever it is is I am doing what I should be doing right now and it feels really good and I feel really good, so we are just going to go with it. I also just knew deep down that I couldn’t keep living like this. With all that is happening in the world right now, I want to make sure I am living my best life and enjoying every moment with those I love and not worrying about the food, the calories, the working out. I want to be present, healthy, happy, and inspiring myself and others to do just that!
What will YOU see this time?
A LOT…In a good way! There is a lot to talk about when one is healing from an eating disorder. It is not just the physical changes, but the mental changes as well. For me, a lot of my eating disorder revolves around control, so learning to LET GO of the rules, the schedule, the certain foods…AHHH it is intense, but it is good to discuss it.
I am going to talk about how I have gained 10 pounds…How healing through the stages of this health journey has had my body fluctuate through some very uncomfortable phases…What does adding more calories look like…What cutting back on working out looks and feels like and how my body has welcomed this…Taking more vitamins and supplements to help my body heal and how it has helped with my muscle recovery, gut health, and overall well-being…Eating out more…Treating myself more…
The list can go on and on and I am excited to share it ALL with you.
If you are struggling with an eating disorder, please remember that you aren’t alone. There are lots of resources and people to help these days and you owe it to yourself to get the help you need to heal. You are worth it!!! I am worth it and it’s why I am investing my time, energy, and money to do the work.
xoxo
