Time For A Check In - Part III

Hi Friends...It has been a hot minute since I have been in this space, but to be REAL with y’all, this work, this recovery is not only hard work, but exhausting too, and sometimes when I sit down to write, the words just don’t happen...I am just not in the mood...I don’t even know where to start with what to share, as there is A LOT! It is a roller coaster and each day and each week is different and I am just trying to adjust to it, learn from it, grow from it, and be the best version of ME! 

I know that what I am sharing here and on Instagram, is not for everyone and that is OKAY! I am okay with it, as this is my journey, and sharing, writing, and letting it all out, is one of the ways that I am healing! And if there is someone out there who reads what I share and is inspired to get help, reach out to me for any questions and help, or start their own journey of healing, then that is what matters most to me. These topics can be heavy and hard and it is hard to expose your TRUTHS! It is hard to admit your faults! It is hard to do the WORK!

BUT…

All the HARD stuff sucks, but each day I am growing into a healthier, stronger, energized, and HAPPIER HUMAN! I know that when I write about this journey, there is a lot of repetition, but just with the words repeating themselves into the universe, I am repeating these words to myself too. It is called doing the WORK! Daily repetition of text messages to friends, nutritious food, movement, grace, love, forgiveness, sunshine, and joy are just a few of the things that I practice and are helping me heal and say goodbye to my old self. 

Is ALL OF THIS WORK actually working?!?!? 

YES YES YES! Slow and steady I am getting there! As I have said before, this is some of the hardest work I have ever had to do. It is not a straight line to the finish, it is ALL over the freaking place, and as a Type A personality, this has been extremely difficult, but I am learning to lean in and trust the process!

Here is a little bit of an update as to what has been happening...A mix of the good and the hard.

The FOOD - I still have a lot of work to do here, meaning, I am still undereating and need more calories. This is obviously really HARD for me. It is HARD for me, because it means I have to LET GO OF THE CONTROL! Eating Disorders are all about control, rules we have made up in our heads, and exhaustingly trying to follow them day in and day out. It is an energy vampire that literally sucks the life out of you. 

BUT...Because there is always a positive…

I have been eating so much more. I know not enough, but hot damn it is a lot more than it was a few months ago and my energy, strength, focus, and overall well-being have felt so much better!

I have added so many more foods that I restricted for way too long. Give me all the oatmeal, takeout Thai food, salty summer sandwiches, chips, gosh darn it all tastes so GOOD! And I feel good.

There is no longer any bingeing. There is no more guilt from overeating. There is just ME living life...Enjoying the food...Learning to let go and fuel this body with all the good foods that serve me and my lifestyle...and it is happening one day at a time!

The WORKOUTS - I feel so freaking STRONG! I think back to how I wouldn’t fuel before any type of workout and want to slap myself in the face. The damage that I was doing to my muscles, my bones, and my overall well-being are beyond scary. Now I can’t imagine not eating before a workout. I still need to add more and I am still trying to listen to my body in the morning, before I workout, to see what it needs, but there is no restriction happening before ANY workout!

 My workout goals these days are to get to the gym more and lift HEAVY THINGS! Now that I have the energy, being able to challenge myself with new strength workouts is FUN and it is extremely important to strength train for my overall health and strength. I love the way I feel after a strength training workout and I love how it vamps up my appetite. 

I’m still doing the yoga, the spin, the walking, and running (definitely not as much since the half marathon). Just like with food, I try to listen to my body and give it what it needs and what feels good. Life is short and why do shit that makes you feel like crap!

The BODY CHANGES - AHHH...This has also been hard to come to terms with! I also wonder if I should do a whole post just dedicated to this, because it’s been A LOT, both good, a little uncomfortable, and all part of the process...But at the end of the day, I knew change was going to happen, but I wasn’t sure where it was going to happen...LOL! But this is where the change has occurred…

• Hair Growth - One time last week I was washing my hair and only three strands of hair fell out. When I was in the thick of this, I was losing clumps of hair. I was scared and had no idea what was going on. I ignored it, obviously...Now...My hair feels thick, healthy, and it is all thanks to eating more and I will definitely say taking collagen every morning has made a big difference too!

• Hello BOOBS - I don’t know how I feel about the boobs making a comeback! Having grown up with boobs, I actually enjoyed having smaller boobs. I feel like a teenager again and have no idea what to do with them. They’re always getting in the way! Shannon’s not complaining, but I would be okay with this part of me not growing...LOL!

• Bigger Quads - I love STRONG legs! There is something so beautiful, powerful, and just badass with a woman who has defined strong legs! You know that she works hard for them, she fuels them, and kicks ass doing whatever it is she does. My legs have made a comeback and they have helped me finish a half marathon, they’ve helped me power through long rides on the spin bike, burpees, squat jumps, and lifting heavier weights in the gym. YES YES YES! 

• Muscle Definition - Since I am fueling my body more, my muscles are happier and I have noticed some more definition in my triceps and my waist. Some of my shorts no longer fit around my quads, but they are loose around my waist. And my biceps are on fire...HA! It feels good to see these changes and now that the work is working, because I am an ATHLETE and not a skinny girl anymore!

The GOALS - I feel like my goals on this journey never end...Each week we add something new, or have to start over, or change them up, switch gears. It is the WORK and I am just trying to again, lean into it, trust the process, and trust my Coach!

• Eat More - We are REALLY working on this, but what it truly comes down to is me “letting go” of my rules and feeding my body. This may be something that a lot of people don’t understand and maybe wondering how it is so hard for you to eat more...Well it is. After so many years of restriction, I have really screwed up my gut, so adding lots of food makes me full really fast; it’s hard to eat when I’m not hungry...Y’all it is A LOT and I’m working on this one day at a time!

• Sweat Less - It’s time to cut back on my workouts. I have to take one full rest day and one day which I have decided will be a walk on the beach with Lucy. I have definitely been overtraining, which was leading to horrible night sweats, sweating profusely during my workouts, and having me waking up way too early! Since last Thursday and making some small changes, I haven’t had any night sweats...YES YES YES!

• Weekly Goals - I LOVE my weekly goals! At the end of my call with my Coach on Thursdays, we come up with a small list of goals to tackle. It’s turning into one of my favorite parts of the WORK. It is a good challenge that isn’t too overwhelming. It is attainable and it makes me feel GOOD, knowing I have something to tackle and knowing that I can and will do it!

 Well that is it in a nutshell! If you have any questions, you know how to reach me. 

xoxo