A Nantucket BREAKTHROUGH

As I sit down to write these posts, it sometimes makes me nervous to share these moments, because I know that not everyone understands what it is like to battle an eating disorder. I feel very vulnerable and even silly for feeling these things, especially at 43 years old. Why do I share them? Because my journey to healing and doing the WORK also helps me heal and hopefully inspires others to get help and know that they are not alone!  It’s okay to not be okay and there is no judgment here in this space…EVER!

I wanted to share a quick recap of my trip to Nantucket, because this trip was a major breakthrough on my healing journey. For the first time when I stepped away from home, I felt so FREE, alive, happy, nourished, strong, and at peace. This was a HUGE HUGE step in the right direction for me. More proof that when you do the WORK on yourself and you put in the time and the energy good things WILL happen! Patience, gratitude, love, grace, and consistency is what is working for me!

Going on vacation has been a hard hurdle for me to cross. Battling an eating disorder and being taken out of your daily routine can really fuck with your mind and for me it would give me a lot of anxiety. I would worry before the trip and during the trip about gaining weight, not eating my “normal” foods, not being able to do my “normal” workouts, and having to let go of control. Again, this is part of the eating disorder that makes me SAD and MAD to think about, because of all the moments that I missed out…The energy I wasted…The unnecessary stress that I caused myself and those around me. A reminder that eating disorders are NOT just about the food…it is a mental and emotional battle as well, but you can heal and you can THRIVE!

Let’s dive into Nantucket! I was up there for a little over a week, because my Mom asked me to come up and I will never say NO to going up to the island and never say NO to being with Mom. This trip was very different from other times I have visited this past year and from other trips I have taken this year. I don’t know if it was because it was Summer and the weather was incredible and I spent so much time outside or if the work I have been doing is FINALLY working…I think it was a combination of both. Before I left, I talked with my Coach and I had written a list of things that I wanted to accomplish on the island while I was there. I love to write lists and always have, but this time putting them on paper and seeing them and sharing them with my Coach was holding me accountable. It was a list that shared what I wanted to do with my workouts, the food, and socializing. I am happy to say that I accomplished all of them and went above and beyond my list and that is SUCCESS! Were there some hiccups along the way…of course…life isn’t perfect and neither is this journey! So let’s talk about it…

The FITNESS

I really listened to my body and did what made it feel GOOD! Typically when I go up to the island I run and run and run, whether I want to do it or not. I would overdo it and it would leave me exhausted and depleted, and sore. I was obsessing too much about working out rather than obsessing about having a good time! Sad, but true, but this is the reality and it’s hard for me to say it out loud, but here I am!

This time things felt different! I wasn’t putting pressure on myself to get kill myself working out! I listened to my body and kind of let it guide me. Surprisingly it wasn’t running that I wanted to do, it was strength training…WHAT?!?! I bought a one week pass at the Nantucket Health Club, where I always train and used to teach classes and did minimal cardio and lifted HEAVY! I felt amazing! And it was FUN too and I was happy and grateful! I did one long run around the island and I pretty much walked every day. I was close to averaging almost 20K steps a day which is AMAZING! My Mom lives in town, so I am able to walk pretty much anywhere, so I also saved her gas too! My goal was to do what felt good…to move my body daily…to soak up the beautiful Nantucket air…to have FUN! And I did! Mission accomplished!

Here’s a FUN outdoor workout that I put together…Some of my favorite moves that I do often and have helped me get stronger all over! LMK if you have any questions!

The FOOD

I fed my body…I listened to my body…I let go of the rules and the control and just nourished myself and in return my body thanked me. I felt so good. I did the WORK before coming up and I knew that I had to make changes to fully enjoy the island and be present with my Mom. Let’s just say I haven’t eaten that much garlic and olive oil in a really long time.

I ate more than I did in Charleston. I ate delicious and nourishing home cooked meals that my Mom made. I went out with friends. I ate sandwiches almost every single day. I ate dessert. I didn’t binge. I didn’t restrict myself. HUGE HUGE HUGE progress! I felt at peace with it all. Of course I had moments, but they were little hiccups that came and went, because NOW I know how to handle the triggers and move on from them.

This NEW me felt really good and I am proud of myself, because this was a major breakthrough on my journey! I felt so nourished, happy, and grateful to eat good food with even better people. Gosh, I am so lucky and lucky to share this journey with you all as I break through these food hurdles!

The BODY CHANGES

OOOF…This has been a hard one, but one I am realizing more each and every day that I desperately needed to gain weight…I am healthier now than I have been in a long time…My body has healed so much from my hormones, to my hair, my nails, my overall well-being…I am happier, more energized, and more present. THIS IS THE STUFF THAT MATTERS!

So YES I have gained weight and I am guessing probably over 10 pounds, but I haven’t stepped on the scale in months. There are a lot of clothes that I have had to get rid of, because my thighs and ass don’t fit into them anymore. I didn’t hold onto them, because I didn’t want to think about trying to fit back into them. I can’t go back to the “OLD” me. So, it is safe to say that I have gained a hell of a lot of muscle and I am all about it. I feel different and this stage is a little awkward and sometimes challenging to embrace, because growth is never easy and gaining weight is never easy.

What’s also has helped with this “NEW” body of mine is that I follow some badass women on social media who keep me motivated. They are strong…They EAT…They have been open about their health/fitness journeys…They are real and authentic. So when I scroll through my feed it is positive and inspiring and keeps me focused on my goals!

Nantucket allowed me to just take a deep breath and feel all the feels…Embrace my new growing body…Focus on all the beautiful things that I have gained from these changes…And just learning to be at peace with it. It is one of the reasons I walk so much on the island…The salty air, the ocean breeze, it all brings me a sense of calm. Katie on Nantucket is a whole VIBE!

**I am also currently working on a post about weight gain, so stay tuned…it’s emotional, real, and raw, but it’s going to be really damn GOOD!**

I’m hoping to go bACK later this Summer for a longer period of time to soak up the last bit of summer with my family and Shannon, so stay tuned until the next adventure!

xoxo