My Health Journey - Chapter 2
I have thought long and hard about whether I want to dive back into relapsing with my eating disorder, but I think it is a topic that NEEDS to be discussed and if it doesn’t resonate with you, then feel free to move on. But if it does resonate with you, come join the conversation as I will go into more detail about my journey this year and the steps that I am taking to HEAL, get my life back, get my health back, and be a happier, stronger athlete and person.
The things that I am going to share aren’t pretty and hard to say out loud, but this is the real, raw, nitty gritty shit that happens, and for me personally when I have opened up about this stuff to my dietitian and my friends, it has been a huge release, a eye opening experience, and a way to help me heal and move forward.
The best way for me to talk about ALL OF THIS, is to do it in “parts”...There is a lot to cover as far as how it flared up again, why I decided to get help, what does help look like, body changes I’ve been experiencing, the changes I have been making…It’s a lot and it is requiring a lot of work, but HEALTH IS WEALTH, so here I am and let’s just dive right in!
What was the trigger?
My relapse probably started the taper week of my ½ marathon. My workouts were scaled back and all of a sudden my appetite was RAVENOUS! I was freaking starving and had no idea what to do and what was going on, and felt out of sorts and out of control. This is totally normal during taper week for runners. I did the research and I reached out to running coaches. I had the facts, but I ignored the hunger signs. I stuck to my training schedule, but I was literally miserable.
YES I crushed the ½ marathon and I am so proud of myself, because it was an amazing 12 weeks of training that I learned a lot about myself, both physically and mentally. But I was making unhealthy choices and two weeks after that race those unhealthy choices kicked me in the ass and it was a very eye opening moment for me. I am not being dramatic or over exaggerating, but when you are in tune with your body and you notice the signs that something is wrong it is a blessing in disguise.
The SIGNS:
I was extremely bloated…
I was swollen and felt inflamed…
My gut was a mess…
I was waking up at 3:30/4:00 AM…
I wasn’t regular with my bowel movements…
I felt really icky in my own skin and I was gaining weight and gaining fast!
Y’All this is a LOT OF SIGNS, so I knew that I needed to get my shit together…get my health back!!
What I was doing WRONG…
I have been doing a lot wrong and I know that I was, but I was in the thick of it just pushing forward day in and day out, until my body literally started to say to me FUCK YOU!
I was hardly taking any rest days…I didn’t take a rest day until two weeks after the ½ marathon!
Not fueling before morning workouts/runs…I would just have water and coffee and push through the hunger…
Waiting HOURS before eating after my runs/workouts (Confession - The day of the ½ marathon I had a ⅓ cup of mixed nuts 3 hours after the race…That’s it!!!! This was probably one of my lowest points and is extremely hard to say out loud!)
Not allowing myself to eat sweets!
The only time I would eat out or eat sweets was if I was drinking alcohol!
Weighing myself at the end of the weekend!
Why I got help…AGAIN…
I want to be a badass strong healthy athlete and if I don’t get my shit together, my body is going to say NO and I don’t want that to happen. And obviously all of those signs above were major red flags that I needed to do something, because I couldn’t and wasn’t doing it on my own. Yes, I was upset with myself for getting to this point, but at least I recognized the problem and I am doing something about it. Onward and upward…It is only going to get better from here on out!
What I am doing RIGHT…
Eating before every workout or first thing in the morning, even on rest days!
Trying new supplements to help heal my gut!
Taking a FULL REST DAY…no if ands or buts!
Enjoying more of the foods that I eliminated over the years, because of silly RULES!
Having hard conversations with friends and loved ones…Their support means the world to me!
MORE Food…MORE Energy…MORE regular bowel movements…MORE LIVING!
Healing is far from linear…It’s honestly a freaking rollercoaster, that has ups and downs, but over the past couple of years I have grown, learned, been very vulnerable, given myself a hell of a lot of grace, and have never given up on myself. This chapter is different and that’s okay. This chapter is going to be better and I will be better at the end of it. And the best part is knowing that, because I will NEVER give up on myself, my body, and my mind. I can do really hard shit. This is hard shit, but I will be OKAY!
What to expect NEXT…
I am going to talk more about…
What Help Looks Like With Cortney
Body Changes
Gut Health
What would you like me to add to the list?
xoxo
