Thinking Out Loud
It’s been a minute, but I am still here…I am still writing blog posts…I am healing…I am doing the WORK…I am happy, grateful, and blessed for everything that has been happening in my world. I thought I would share a little bit of that in today’s post. Let’s not waste any time and just dive right in…
Becoming Comfortable In My Skin
Last week was rough emotionally with my body image...It didn’t help that “Aunt Flow” was in town, so my boobs felt super swollen, my gut felt bloated, I was out of sorts, and felt OFF! I hate feeling like this, but it is something that I do not have control over and just have to let nature take its course. Even though I was very uncomfortable and had some “not so nice” thoughts going through my head, for the FIRST time, I didn’t restrict, I didn’t binge, I kept doing what I was supposed to do. I kept doing the WORK! I worked really hard to stay positive, to write it out, to keep moving and sweating, and to lean on my friends. It helped me tremendously and I came out feeling really really GOOD!!!
I took this photo last Saturday morning, after a night out, an easy morning walk with Lucy, and a day or so after “Aunt Flow” left town! And for the FIRST time in a LONG time, I felt unbelievably sexy, strong, and comfortable in my skin. I thought...damn woman you look AMAZING! It was an ah-ha moment and with all the work, healing, and positive affirmations I have been doing with myself and my coach these past couple of months, this was such a major step in the right direction.
With this journey, each week is so different from the others! There are still downs, but there are still lots of up moments. Each week and day, I work on giving myself grace. I work on listening to my body and what it needs physically and nutritionally. I work on letting GO of the control and fear. I still need to add more FOOD to my days and I am being stubborn about this, but it will happen, I will make it happen, and I will get there!
Half-Marathon Training
I have one week left before the Sweetgrass Half Marathon here in Mount Pleasant and I have mixed emotions about it. My goal is to run 12 miles on Saturday morning and already I am kind of “meh” about it. There are a couple of reasons why, but I am not dwelling on it too much, because things happen for a reason and I am going to do my best to just go with the flow.
A few weeks ago, Shannon let me know that, weather permitting, our group of friends would be going to the PGA Championship on Kiawah Island Saturday, May 22. The same day as the half marathon. In the past, I would have freaked out...gotten pissed off...and would constantly think about all the wasted hours of training that I just did.
BUT...this time around was different. To be able to spend a beautiful day with Shannon, friends, watching golf, eating and drinking, and being somewhere beautiful outside in the sunshine feels more right and important to me these days! If I miss the race, I can always go run 13.1 miles any day that works for me. Now more than ever, I just want to be surrounded by good people, good energy, and create lots of good memories.
I am also TIRED and getting a little agitated with running! I think that signing up for a race at the same time that I started this healing process maybe was a little too much to pile onto my plate. Both require a lot of time, energy, and proper fueling, and trying to do BOTH at the same time has had its moments. I am not beating myself up if I don’t do the race. I am not beating myself up for not properly fueling my body on my longer runs. If anything, I am applauding myself for recognizing what is happening, giving myself GRACE for whatever I decide to do, and just be grateful that my body is able to run pain-free these days, because finally, I am nourishing it properly. That is a hell of a lot to be proud of in just a matter of months!
Currently Eating LOTS Of Eggs
I love to be able to feed my body what it CRAVES! Last week, I wanted meat and this week it is eggs, salmon, and tuna fish. I am still getting a decent amount of protein, but eggs were speaking to me most of the week! So...I went ahead and gave my body what it wanted.
Plus, eggs are so easy to make...they are versatile...and can be eaten any time of the day! And we have duck eggs from Shannon’s partner and they are so DAMN GOOD! I mean just look at that yolk, in the photo below. As I said, I love to cook with eggs, because you can literally add any vegetable, cheese, fixings, and carbohydrates on the side...Bread, rice, and my favorite are obviously roasted Japanese sweet potatoes, which I LOVE to smoosh avocado on!
I’ve also been eating a lot of bananas this week too...Random, but so damn good! One of my “homework assignments” with this healing journey is to add more variety to my meals. This has been hard for me, as for years, I was eating the same thing, but slowly I am making the changes and my body is welcoming all these changes. Good food makes you feel GOOD!
What’s Been On My Brain
May has been a busy month and we have been celebrating lots of GOOD things! Anniversaries, birthdays, and fun parties with our friends. We are so lucky and I am so grateful for our life here in Charleston. It is crazy to think that Shannon and I have been together for 4 years already and words cannot express enough how much I love this man.
I love to write and brag about him, because he is truly an amazing human! His work ethic, kindness, passion, dedication, patience, positivity, and strength is admirable. And at 44 years old, he keeps getting better and better looking. He has helped me so much these past few months, when I REALLY needed him. I have already noticed so much more of a positive shift in our relationship, since I have started this journey and it makes me so excited as to how much more we can grow together as a couple.
When I opened up about my disorder, the hardest people to talk to about it was my Mom and Shannon. Two people who I love more than anything in life, so it was hard to speak those words out loud to them, but once I did, the elephant fell off my back. That release was HUGE and having their support and love was obviously HUGE too! Shannon has seen me struggle. He has had to deal with the mood swings...he has seen the restricting...he saw and felt what it was doing to me and our relationship. I was so negative and it was hard to be around. It broke my heart to see myself like this, but also that he had to see it and try to navigate around it. It is A LOT for a partner to comprehend, to understand, and to figure out how to support a loved one going through an eating disorder.
What is truly amazing though is the shift that has happened! It is night and day and gosh darn it feels SO SO SO GOOD! I am happier as a person. I am happier in our relationship. I am more present, more loving, and more of all the good stuff. This brings me so much JOY! Again...the work WORKS and I could not do it without him by my side!
I think I will end this post right there, because my heart is FULL!
Have a beautiful weekend friends!
xoxo
