Joyful BALANCE
It was a powerful moment yesterday when I felt the SHIFT and I knew I was ready to begin another chapter…It is an intense, healing, emotional and beautiful thing that is allowing me to release the negativity and level up to whatever the rest of this summer entails. I think it is important to dive into this a little deeper…
It has been one week since I have been on Nantucket and there has been A LOT that has been going on since I have arrived. As always, the island seems to bring up the “ALL THE THINGS” but for the first time EVER, this first week hasn’t felt like “my happy place”. It has been a hard pill to swallow and something that has been mind boggling to me, so I knew I had to do some WORK! The peacefulness, the long summer days, the salty air, always allows me a lot more time to reflect, sit in the silence, and just be. It is not always comfortable and these first seven days have been HARD. I have had some really sticky moments that have not been easy. I haven’t been sleeping well, I have been frustrated, and there has been a lot of pent up anger brewing, the past few weeks.
But the beautiful thing about ALL of this is that I am doing the sticky shitty WORK and I honestly have needed to the work, I am taking the time to make the changes, I can see the work working, I can feel it, and I am motivated to be better personally and professionally and that is the BEST feeling. I cannot tell you how good this feels.
Before I dive a little deeper into this, I think it is important to reiterate that I am so grateful for my life, my husband, my friends, my family, my career. Life though isn’t always cupcakes and unicorns and I have vowed to myself and my readers that I share the good and the not so good, because it’s okay to not be okay. And I hope that by sharing these “sticky icky” moments, that inspires you to do the work, so you can be the best version of yourself. With that being said, let’s do the WORK!
Here are MY three AH HA moments that I have had this week…
JUST BE
I am a control freak. I like to control things. I try to control ALL THE THINGS. Guess what?!?! I can’t control ALL THE THINGS. Life doesn’t work that way. LOL! The food, the workouts, the toxic cycles, the negativity, is all about control and it is freaking exhausting and it has been exhausting me. I wasn’t sleeping well. I was breaking out. My workouts were just blah!
Like everything else I talk about today, when I recognized this, I have taken the time during the days here to just be. When I walk, I just breathe, move, and embrace nature. Instead of sitting in front of the TV, I sit outside and read. I go on early runs, when the island is still quiet. And sometimes, I just chill the F out and just be. I sit in it. I sit in the stuff. I let it all come out and happen. It has felt like a huge release…a detox…a beautiful awakening. I am so here for it!
BREAKING TOXIC CYCLES
Thanks to a very close friend in CHS and some real, raw, and heart to heart conversations, she called me on my bullshit and I was like damn that stings a little, but damn she is right, and damn it is time to make some changes. I love schedules, daily routines, but not so much when it comes to toxic cycles. I can get stuck in them and I can break them, but then they reappear again and it is not good.
The best example and best AH HA moment was how I have a tendency to escape to Nantucket when I get in one of those toxic cycles. Running away from my “stuff” does not solve any problems. Yes, Nantucket is my happy place and it heals me, but I can’t come up here every time I start to get stuck. Running away in general doesn’t solve diddly squat. I realized that I do this a lot and it was a hard pill to swallow, so now that it is out in the open, what do I do differently. When things get toxic or sticky, I confront it right away, instead of letting it fester and sit until I can go back home. I talk it out, I work it out, and I break the cycle…SO when I come home to Nantucket, it is not to heal or escape it is to live, love, and soak up that Nantucket ocean air.
MORE JOY LOVE & SAYING F$%* YES
I can be a negative person and I can let that negativity consume me. Being negative is exhausting and an energy vampire that can suck the life out of you. As I said earlier, I have felt anger, frustration, and negativity, and was completely exhausted when I arrived here last week.
It took some time to just sit with myself, to go on long walks and reflect, to cry, to write, to nourish, to sweat, to just BE and realize that negativity is NOT me and it is NOT how I want to live anymore. Yes, there will be moments that try to squeeze their way in, but setting up boundaries, loving more, saying yes more, to living more, and to spreading JOY more. I dug deep this past week and the work worked and is working and with daily practices, this mermaid is finding joyful balance and beauty in all the things!
New beginnings…New chapters…New outlook…and even a new website…So if you have time to snoop around today, make sure to check it out. Lots of big changes happening everywhere and I am always here for it! Now it’s time for this Nantucket Mermaid to enjoy her last few days here and find that JOYFUL BALANCE!
xoxo
